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Today's update is taken verbatim from a letter Christy sent to her parents recently. She says she can't write to all of you, and when she tries, it doesn't work. As you can see, when she writes a letter just to her parents, it works quite well.
All the best-
Christy and Tim
Hi Mom and Dad,
Glad to hear that dad's BP is lower but that is with the medication? You really need to check on your cholesterol and triglycerides especially with your Atkin's diet!!!! God, do I need to take care of my parents or what?
There is no official news from Sister Marie Claire after her trip to the states. Actually there is news— Sister Martha will not be coming and they have no one in mind for the moment. This is where I will bite my tongue and say nothing.
Things are going okay here. I pray everyday and ask God for patience and guidance. Everyday is a struggle with many obstacles but everyday God gives me something or someone that gives me a light of hope to continue the work that needs to be done.
There is no official news from Sister Marie Claire after her trip to the states. Actually there is news— Sister Martha will not be coming and they have no one in mind for the moment.
Exactly one week ago from today my biggest fear became a reality. On Thursday the 4th of December a child died at the center. The child's name was Gerald and he was only 2 months old. I will never forget his face, he was truly in pain and agony and I will forever hold the image of the mother's face of complete despair when the nurse told her she was negligent and there was nothing we could do for her child. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my own body when I heard those words and when I saw the despair on the mother's face.
What happened was the mother came with her child and went to the outpatient clinic. The nurse who was doing the consultation called me over. I walked into the office and saw this 2 month old child who was swollen twice his normal size with open sores all over his legs and skin that was just sloughing off. He was pale and having difficulty breathing. I asked Nicole how I could help her and she said in front of the mother, "This mother came here too late with her child and there is nothing we can do for her. She needs to go to the hospital for a doctor to see the child.”
She mentioned something about the mother being negligent and coming now to abandon the baby to die. I kindly asked the nurse to step out of the room and I explained that we do not have a right to speak like that in front of the mother. I asked her why she felt that there was nothing for us to do. She said because it was too late. I asked how she knew that and wanted to see the results of the lab work. She said she didn’t do any lab work for the child. I told her to do all the lab work for us to see exactly what was going on before we made a decision.
We went back in the room and I told the mother we were going to run some tests and then I asked her if she would be willing to go to the hospital if need be. The mother said, "No, I want to stay here with my baby." I asked her why and she said that 2 days ago she brought her child to the hospital and all they did was give her some pedialyte and sent her home. I do not in any way doubt this. Hospitals here do not treat malnutrition. In fact, if she were to hospitalize her child the hospitals do not provide milk or food. Obviously this mother is not able to provide adequately for the child and I knew that if she went to the hospital the child would surely die. Hospitals here do not take children with severe malnutrition because they do not want the child to die in their hospital to ruin their mortality statistics.
As I was quickly examining the child I realized the child was hypothermic and probably hypoglycemic and was in fact dying. I took the mother into Timoun Kontan and asked the nurses to start a chart for the child. I am sure that God was there working with me. At first I was reluctant to make a decision but then in the next second I was graced with confidence and did not at all waver in my decision. I just knew that we had to take this child and do all that we could. I knew the child was dying and did not want the child to die in the mother’s arms while walking home. I knew that we had to try. I asked the nurses to quickly give the child some milk and then help the mother to clean the child up. Gerald was wrapped up in a towel full of vomit and feces. The results of the lab work came back and they were not that bad which gave me some hope.
It was a hectic day and I had a million things going on at once. I had a mother with 3 very sick children who just left the outpatient clinic with 12 bottles of medicine for the 3 children. I stopped the mother and asked her to sit down with me. I took out all the medicines and asked her to explain each medicine and for which child it was for. She could not and I came to find out that she could not even read. One of her children could have easily died from overdose. While I worked for over one hour with this mother to color code all the bottles Sr. Uyen examined Gerald and put him in the baby incubator because of his hypothermia.
When we finished work for that day I remember saying good-bye to the mothers and quickly glancing at Gerald in the incubator. I did not see Gerald's mom which I regret. It’s amazing how we can look back at the past and wish we had taken the time to say good bye or give a hug or say I am sorry. How easily we take simple pleasures for granted. It is not until they are taken away from us that we realize what we have lost. Opportunities are lost everyday.
The following morning as Tim, Sr. Uyen and myself were eating breakfast Mandolin (night security at Timoun Kontan) came to inform us that Gerald died at 5pm on Thursday, the day that he came. My heart fell to the ground and my mind just went completely blank. I became numb on the inside. Sr. Uyen just looked across the table and said, "Christy you made the right decision, we did everything we could and the rest is up to God."
Not a day goes by that I don’t ask myself, "what if?" Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what else we could have done, what did I miss? Although it hurts me and I am sad and numb I know in my heart that I did all I could and that I gave my best. It is just unfortunate that my best was not good enough. I know that I made the right decision at the time. I take comfort in the fact that the mother knows I cared enough about her child to try even though others already gave up and I take comfort knowing that the child did not die on the road in a filthy towel. I know all this in my heart but the hard part is convincing my brain. Life is so hard. I so much regret not kissing Gerald good-bye before I left, for not taking the time to properly say good-bye to the mother and reassuring her that she was a good mother.
But as I struggle with this I keep reminding myself that as long as we do the best we can everyday that is all we can ask of ourselves. Our best is not always perfect but it is the best we can do at the time. When I worked in the states I don’t think that I could come home and say I truly gave 110% of myself. Here I can honestly say that everyday I give everything I have and then some. Everyday I come home from work and pray to God to give me more patience and understanding because I am upset with myself for how I reacted to something. But when I ask myself, "did you do the best you could today" in my heart I know I did the best I could. Even though I got inpatient or did not find time to say good-bye I did the best I could. All I can do is hope to do better with all the lessons that God sends my way. Everyday is a new day and every morning I have to tell myself that. We must begin every day fresh and new. Today is my only chance to do what needs to be done today.
For the past week I have felt like a robot just going through the actions, numb on the inside but a robot on the outside but everyday gets easier and everyday I see something good that gives me hope and renewed energy. Today was a good day. I guess what they say is true, "time heals all wounds."
I miss everybody more than words can say,
Christy
Posted by Christy and Tim at 03:43 PM on December 11, 2003 :: Permanent link
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